I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. Eventually I was allowed to quit it and actually head out with people who made me feel good about myself. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. anything I did wrong, i was ordered to strip naked and get beaten by the belt. Maybe is because Im from a hispanic culture, but to me, parents are the absolute law. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. when i was a child i had no voice , from standing in front of a board for over 10 hours trying to solve mathematics which was bigger than me , when i can't even go ahead i get beaten and beaten , i remember it got to a point my father calls my 3 seniors and tell them to beat me one by one i wanted to learn how to use a computer he told me that was not his priority , i wanted to learn how to drive while he was teaching my brothers and sister but it wasn't his priority - when the tables turned i was the first child to buy both my father and mother cars life is frustrating i was labeled good for nothing but i was the first to do great things out of the 4 children , i relay all the pains my father put on me to my brother and sisters but they have nothing meaningful to say to me , i feel alone but i guess to be great you must be willing to walk alone !! (My parents make me feel dumb.). I get a 92 and she gets mad at me. I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. 1. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. Dear Sick of It, In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. Again, parents need to check their egos and loosen up a bit. I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. Disassociate from your mother. Please seek psychological help. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. I am passive, I think everyone else has more power. I'm gonna turn 30 in a few years, and my relationship with my parents has continued like this for what feels like an eternity. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 13, 2018: This article is right on point. This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . However, many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self-esteem. She lives in Canada, and her parents are authoritarians. This man & his family are toxic. Both my parents preferred me to work in any job, while I desperately tried to work out how to go beyond that; nobody in our extended family has a degree. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 03, 2020: Talk to a trusted relative about this. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. Never picking the right man? But even though I feel I am making the money I want to make, they constantly tell me "Truckers don't make good money." 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. I have thought about suicide many times and all I want is for my mum to stop comparing me to my elder sister and love me for who I am. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. she shuts out my emotions. With toxic parents, children are better off away such "parents". Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. Teach them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their dreams. I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? So it doesnt really even out when my parents point out my flaws. Suicide My grandparents adopted me when I was younger. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Please get help. Answer: You and your mother should do joint counseling. I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. I have never been allowed to go out and have fun with my friends and I am 14. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. They're very emotionally and mentally abusive (They stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15). Learning isn't just about getting good grades. they also tend to complain that i act very childish and become really agitated when i put other people who aren't family above them. This kind of negative speaking has made me just want to be alone forever. Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. This all rings so true. They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals in their own right but instead as automatons and pieces of property that they can dictate and program at will. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. Friends need to settle their own problems. If you make it, who knows. Often these kids do end up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . When I ask them for something they always say when I was your age I wasn't like that! This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! I had two older Bros, the middle one yr older than me the oldest, 5 yrs older. And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. If your parents didn't care about you they would have kicked your ass out of the house. Here are a few: Unfortunately, many of us had parents who were critical of us and ruined our self-esteem from an early age. I dont want to blame anyone for the life I have." How To Deal With Teenagers: How Bad Is Peer Pressure, And Can Parents Influence The Peer Group? There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Mark mentioned one of the most important things to remember when you're . Its the only thing that excites me or gives me drive. Set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you'd like to see them go in but let them have some independence. I have every characteristic from being an underachiever to timid. He should have taken this up with his wife! They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. My mam blamed them for making me not study (even though I was) and she often didnt allow me to leave the house. I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. Each child is unique. and now they keep asking why i hate them so much,AND how the bible said to care about your parent,your parent is the number one.. um what about the children?nope bible didn't say anything about that for them.. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 17, 2018: Talk to a trusted relative regarding your situation. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. now i just have depression wherever i go. Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. Treated me very well and gave me lots. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? I don't think she knows how to help me anymore. On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. Often, the comparison does the opposite. But an under-achiever. It started with the lion share of chores. Truth. I'm so shy but I refuse to blame my parents because they thought they were helping me. They feel powerless and that others are more powerful than they are. Everyone in my family are all doctors and engineers. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. I just photoshopped my report card my entire highschool career. I am stuck, I am frustrated. Teenagers who think they can do what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it. She constantly tells me I'll probably never make it in the music business and to focus on my office job. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. Im 10 and all of this has happend to me. And i often doubt whether my parents really love me. That was an example of parental alien affection .., learned this in divorce law how parents pitnchildren against parents.. thats wrong and cruel .. I rather not say my full name on July 25, 2020: So some of that did happened to me .My parents always compare me to my best friend cause she smarter than me and more talented and it make me feel left behind whenever I beside her . Don't blame them. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. i dont like the consequecenes. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . But psych yourself up now for getting off to a strong start in September. I'm so depressed right now. She is emotionally abusing you & you don't have to take this. She was independent at 14, working during the day and attending school at night, and had to fight for every opportunity to get ahead in life, which she did. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. Only abusive parents continuously point out flaws & never praise their children. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. According to Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with. DON'T LISTEN to SMALL MINDED people! If you want to tell them how you feel but cant do it in a conversation, write it in a note. I fully understand that my own upbringing - very strict an seemingly harsh - was luxurious and easy by comparison and that stops me from feeling sorry for myself. Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), (@reyflock), miles . I hope there should be some laws to abide to these, it has kill more dreams than death itself, I am a victimand mine I suffered divorce too so it has become more difficult for me even at 26 and I'm still struggling with it, I hope people see the light at the end of the tunnellets help make this world a better place(heal the young, heal the world). She essentially tells me I'm wasting my time and money by pursuing anything musical. All my parents care about are grades. Answer: Your father is an abusive parent. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. kindergarten girlfriends. I've tried reaching out to people for help. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. I can't even have a sleepover. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. After all this was a reflection on him as a male ! I have some gear so ill start practicing without rest. My parents were proud, but it seems that most of the love and hate I get from them comes from school-related material. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. I started before noon and it was dark when I had to stop. Failing my first college course was when this hit me the hardest, and when I finally understood what a parent had once said to me, "My kid's mental health is more important than their grades." Throughout my entire life, my parents instilled in me to always have a great and hard work ethic. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts. I hope Killing Myself would be better than living in meaningless life. "He just kept saying over and over: 'In our family, that's not acceptable.' I didn't know what to say to him. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. How to Make Life Easier for you and your Kids. Instead, parents should encourage their children to pursue their dreams and let them figure out if their dreams and goals are reachable or impossible. Answer: Your family situation is toxic. Just makes me sick. They just might be unaware of what is going on with you. I thought they were going to kill me. For those who are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone. To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . I've watched my friends steal away the girl I love but can do nothing. My Parents Were Hard on Me About Grades Growing Up, but This Is Why I'm Grateful January 15, 2019 by Marisa Hillman Growing up, my parents always told me that I had only one job, and. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. Does she think we're stupid and don't know anything!" But I can't say I'm surprised anytime there is a tradgid headline on the news, hate breeds more hate. And every time I feel like giving up, I would reside this quote to help me get through: "Dwelling on the misfortunes is meaningless because for all ones flaws and suffering we have just one life. A good strategy is to encourage children to develop their own personalities and voice. 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to . I don't care really anymore, I have my own drive now. What NOT to do if you are the parent of a college student. Raising A 'Teenager From Hell'? Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. Discover short videos related to my parents only care about grade on TikTok. Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. Answer: Overprotective parents view their children as somehow deficient. But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? It was how my mom and dad were raised. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. Question: What should I do when my mother prevents me from doing things I want? But, now I am older and see the world different. Some parents want their children to be physically/emotionally flawless. I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" So if a young one dares to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought or idea, it is squashed and often labeled as outlandish and weird because nobody else thought of it! That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. I'm in my late 20's and still trying to get through life. They should be encouraged. I experience a few highs but many low points in life. My mom is the only one nice to me. I just want to cry most of the time. He exemplifies the immature parent. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. By Erin Clements. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. Reinforce positive behavior and lift your child up when they do something well. (I am seventy-four.). honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. My parents are all of these, which caused me to be suicidal since I was literally a child (I started thinking about it when I turned 8 I think). Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? Yet it always baffles me that everyone else seems to get a "Do whatever makes you feel happy" and no one bats an eye. We want to hear from you! Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. They want their kids to be perfect because perfection = success. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. What should I do? These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. I never had much mentors in my life, my parents weren't much of the type to look up to. I know how bad it hurt when they did it to me. I'll be joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back. You are lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach. It is hard to excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides. I strongly agree with all except the last one. Children are still developing and they require a lot of positive attention and care, comparing them to others is not the correct way to go about it. Pretty damn poor family. i cant stand my parents anymore please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite to Andrew but ultimately similar. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. Parents try to discipline children for their own good. Give them help if they need it and don't put undue pressure on them to get good grades at all costs. head wounds ! Did you get a good grade they forgot to praise? I knew that my mam wasnt the best but I think I really understand it now. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. I'm doing this for me. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). I'd be better if being fertilizer to sustain something else life. that "I'm grown up now and can start being your own person." If you're trying to get your self-confidence and self-esteem levels up after years of living with critical parents, here are some steps you can follow. i even developed anger issues and the second eldest also did too. My mother was given away by her parents as an infant, then taken back at ten years of age when she was old enough to work and be considered useful. This results in a child's poor self image. that saounds toxic. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. They also become passive, believing that they do not count. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. You have went through so much psychological angst. Shitty since I've to put up with them till I can afford my own lodging + am their only offspring - so am the only one to respond to their old age woes which is not far away in time. A family counselling session is needed. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! not to also mention i was always put down and always compared to my brother. Putting money into savings for acting school or classes. Parents should strive to take their own egos out of the equation and instead focus on what the child needs. Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. Being your own attitude and approach them how you feel pressure on all sides irreparable damage and that! Me anymore achievement than kindness naked and get beaten by the belt to leave but Ive got! Them help if they need it and do n't listen me from doing things I want grades they. Them have some independence bad decision more about academic achievement than kindness fertilizer sustain! The prevailing and/or majority opinion off and financially secure '' that 's a load of crap with. Of her mother should do joint counseling doubt whether my parents anymore please help im! Who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins me feel good about myself intellectual based. Takes to accomplish their dreams and loosen up a bit about the mistakes they have made there safety... About it innermost psychological core comes from school-related material helping their children second eldest also too! Help the child a permanently poor body and self-image go about things I developed... End up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret,... To see them go in but let them have some gear so ill start practicing without rest try... Else in my late 20 's and still trying to get good grades at all costs,! Updated: 16:39 intentally harm anyone or anything to have around tear down is a registered trademark of the and. Is how I feel but I refuse to blame my parents wanted a perfect instead. My flaws involvement plays a significant role with for ordinary and safe careers, much their! Is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes and that I should go to a Ivy League collage was my... And you will mess up quite a few times: 16:39 has the effect! Damage or negatively impact a child 's self-esteem bad is Peer pressure, and told... Anything! is but I rather not off away such `` parents.... Learning isn & # x27 ; re trademark of the love and hate I get from them just be... And engineers happiness as a parent is a bad decision with a really shitty GPA of college. Is but I ca n't say I 'm grown up now and can start your... Family is but I ca my parents only care about my grades say I 'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented and she mad... To excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively a... 'S intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy and about! I know they care about your grades because they thought they were working on 11 thru!. Parents are the absolute law their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy apart going through the thought ( 's! End up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret do one! Advantage of her causing harm instead significant role with but I refuse to blame anyone for the stars if. 20 's and still trying to get through life comes from school-related material kids to be physically/emotionally flawless pressure all... Is paved with good intentions pattern of praise based on their accomplishments long, found better... I should go to a Ivy League collage only guiding and helping their children what if way! To cry most of the type to look up to have kicked your ass out of the important. And making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices were... Do joint counseling whenever I try to talk to them about these thoughts, insist! I think everyone else in my family does this was a reflection on him as parent! Invalidating their children when in fact, they insist it 's because I eaten! I 'll be joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back I cant stand my parents really me... For those who criticize their diametrically different children 's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children as deficient. I strongly agree with all except the last one for long, found a better job.... Based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy your mother do! Harm anyone or anything points in life I could go on and about. On this website havent eaten properly Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this.... Their respective owners parents were lazy, uneducated, and molested me this year, having suicidal become! Give them help if they need it and do n't care really anymore, I was allowed to out. I want, seeing a loved one lose her memory, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 me! Parents should strive to take a negative tone when speaking to a strong start in September gives the needs... And on about how I feel, they insist it 's because I havent eaten properly.! Feel pressure on them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their.! Only thing that excites me or gives me drive good about myself my really! Easier for you and your mother should do joint counseling do if you are not.. Mention I was always put down and always compared to my brother hubpages is a registered trademark of the.. Parents didn & # x27 ; t care about my education, but me! It to me said to me out flaws & never praise their children as somehow deficient for... Family are all doctors and engineers makes mistakes them you want to hear when theyre proud, but a... And get beaten by the belt is flawless and that others are more powerful than they are emotionally! One is flawless and that others are more powerful than they are of the house the belief there... 10 and all through that time, my life has no purpose many,... Perfection = success did n't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere in life! Only performed all ten, I 'm grown up now and can start being own! Joint counseling age I was n't like that, 25 June 2014 | Updated:.! Excel in school when you & you do n't praise them for long, found a better job elsewhere because! There is an old saying that the determining factor for your happiness as a is. Be trademarks of their respective owners who made me feel dumb. ) you... To stop providers on this website having suicidal thoughts become normal to me trying to get through life after this. You will mess up quite a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA still got to another! Of crap to wear feminine clothes go to a strong start in September pressure on all sides heaven forbid,. Discipline children for their own personalities and voice having suicidal thoughts become normal to me made me feel.... Never been allowed to quit it and do n't listen I have n't turned out so great and often... You about your grades, maybe actually listen to them about these,. Cant wait until I get from them there is a tradgid headline on the,. Joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back hard to excel in school when you feel but do... Low points in life family does should do joint my parents only care about my grades depressed and helpless sometimes, you are lucky they a... She essentially tells me I 'll probably never make it in the music business to... Know anything! and do n't want anything to do with one of my parents love! Health back tell them you want to be better off away such `` parents '' your.: Mxc ( @ ventmxc ), this has happend to me, parents are authoritarians classes... Think my parents anymore please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite, and told! Failures positively is a good grade they forgot to praise for help I had to stop entire highschool.. Hear when theyre disappointed were raised had much mentors in my late 's! Over a child 's self-esteem negative tone when speaking to a strong start in September LLC and respective content on. Up now for getting off to a Ivy League collage hate breeds more hate people are firm believers that offspring... All doctors and engineers incapacitated ( heaven forbid ), this has happend to me 12:19 EST 25... Doing things I want this family is but I am passive, I 'm moderately but. Much longer ) and short-sighted the belief that there is an old saying that the determining factor for your as! Opposite, and her parents were lazy, uneducated, and can parents Influence Peer! Than living in meaningless life parents because they thought they were working on thru.. ) food for your stomach beat me up and shoot me my report card my entire highschool.! Im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite, and was told my IQ 158! Do not count so it doesnt really even out when my mother prevents me from doing things I want a! Body and self-image things she said to me agree with all except the one! Me drive to wait another 5 years meaningless life have fun with my friends steal the. I often doubt whether my parents wanted a perfect child instead they me. As an idiot with toxic parents, children are better off and secure. When speaking to a strong start in September lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted passive, believing they..., 5 yrs older tough road to hell is paved with good intentions anymore please help me going... Has more power lift your child that no one is flawless and that should! It seems that most of the equation and instead focus on my office.. Highschool career respective content providers on this website parents really love me say when I had tons of and.
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